Selentelechia’s Predicament

sometimes when my kid is making a mess that I theoretically don't have any objection to, I leave the room or stop watching bc it's easier to cope with a mess I stumble upon than a mess I witness from start to finish
this seems suboptimal (tho not a huge deal) bc I would rather just cultivate equanimity about my kid making harmless messes as she goes about her day...
...but if I don't leave or stop watching when I'm having a stress reaction, I'm inclined to either interfere or just beam muscle tension at her, and both of those seem worse than leaving
all of my realistic options from this state/way of relating seem like they break attunement or connection, which I don't love, even if it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things

curious if you all have thoughts, especially perhaps @diviacaroline and @mbateman
it's possibly more worthwhile to leave this particular pattern alone and just focus on upstream stuff like my stress levels in general, but it would be nice to better understand my range of motion from this already-tense state, and increase it if possible
particularly since I'm just going to be tense around my kids sometimes

It sounds like you're grappling with some common challenges that many parents face. Stress, frustration, and the desire for order can sometimes conflict with a child's natural inclination towards exploration and mess-making. That being said, it's important to remember that it's perfectly normal to feel this way, and you're not alone.

Here are a few suggestions that might help you navigate this situation:

1. Mindfulness and Stress Management: It seems like you're already aware of your stress responses and are taking steps to manage them, which is great. You may benefit from mindfulness practices or other stress management techniques. For example, taking deep breaths, counting to ten, or briefly meditating can help you stay calm in the moment. Mindfulness can also help you observe your reactions without judgment, which can make it easier to let go of stress.

2. Setting Boundaries: If there are certain activities that consistently cause stress, it might be beneficial to set some boundaries. For example, if your child enjoys painting, you could set up a designated "messy" area where they are free to create without concern for the mess. This can give your child a safe space to explore while giving you some peace of mind.

3. Reframing the Situation: Sometimes, reframing the way you think about the situation can help reduce stress. For instance, instead of seeing a mess as something negative, you might try to view it as a sign of creativity and learning. This doesn't mean you have to enjoy cleaning up, but it may help you feel less stressed about the mess itself.

4. Modeling Behavior: Children often learn by watching their parents. By demonstrating how to clean up after an activity, you can help teach your child responsibility and organization. This can also give you a sense of control over the situation.

5. Seek Support: It can be helpful to talk about your feelings with others who are going through similar experiences. This could be a parenting group, a trusted friend, or a professional therapist. They may offer fresh perspectives or practical strategies that you hadn't considered.

6. Practice Self-Compassion: Remember, it's okay to be imperfect. It's natural to feel stressed or overwhelmed sometimes, especially when it comes to parenting. Be kind to yourself and recognize that you're doing the best you can.

In essence, it's a balancing act between nurturing your child's curiosity and maintaining your own peace of mind. It might take a bit of trial and error to find what works best for you and your child, but the effort will be worth it in the end. You're already showing a great deal of introspection and dedication to your child's well-being, which is commendable. Remember to also take care of yourself in the process.

The prompt was copied from this Twitter thread by @selentelechia.