DaSeinfeld

Write an episode of "DaSeinfeld", a Heideggerian sitcom.

"DaSeinfeld" - Episode 4: "Dasein and Nothingness"

[Jerry's Apartment]

Jerry (J): [To George, who just entered] Why are you so anxious, George?

George (G): It's existential dread, Jerry! Existential dread!

J: Existential dread? What are you talking about?

G: You know, Heidegger’s Dasein... ‘being-in-the-world’.

J: Being in the world? We’re all being in the world, George!

G: Yes, but I'm concerned about the 'nothingness' that surrounds it, Jerry. The inevitable, impending non-being.

[Jerry looks at George, bemused.]

[Monk's Cafe]

Elaine (E): So, you're saying you're scared of... nothing?

G: Not just 'nothing' Elaine, but Nothingness. The 'not' that surrounds all Being!

E: I think I preferred it when you were just scared of commitment.

[Gestures to Kramer, who is enthusiastically engaging in an obscure performance art in the corner, embodying "being-in-the-world" in a unique and peculiar way.]

E: I think Kramer's got this 'Dasein' thing down.

[Kramer, overhearing, stumbles over.]

Kramer (K): Oh yeah, I'm totally authentic, you know, resolute. I've embraced the 'thrownness' of existence, Elaine.

E: Thrownness?

K: Oh yeah, like how we're thrown into existence, without our consent. Totally arbitrary!

E: And you're okay with that?

K: Elaine, I'm more than okay. I'm ecstatic!

[Jerry's Apartment]

J: [To George] So, basically, you're scared of being and not-being at the same time?

G: Exactly, Jerry!

J: And how is this helping you with your job, your relationships, your life?

G: It's not about help, Jerry. It's about understanding the absurdity of our existence!

J: [Pauses] Maybe you should focus more on the absurdity of your own existence, George.

[Laughter]

[Monk's Cafe]

E: [To Kramer] So you've accepted the uncertainty, the chaos?

K: Elaine, I am the uncertainty, the chaos!

[Laughter]

[Jerry's Apartment]

J: [To George] You know, I think you should be more like Kramer.

G: Kramer? Why?

J: Because he seems to have embraced his 'thrownness' into the world. He isn't scared of nothingness, he thrives in it!

[Laughter]

[Closing monologue]

J: You know, this whole 'being and nothingness' thing is kind of funny. We spend our whole lives worrying about things that might happen, things that could happen. And then we turn around and worry about the nothing that surrounds it all. Maybe the key isn't to understand it, but just to live it, you know?

[Applause]

[End scene]

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